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Avalon's Picks: Most Disappointing Films Of 2022



You know what they say: Hate is a strong word, and at this point in my life I try my best to not hate on anyone or anything.


With that being said, I'm going to say that I was disappointed with quite a few films that came out this year. As I have said many times over, art is subjective, and I know no filmmaker goes into constructing a movie with the intent of it being terrible (unless you've seen the latest Jeepers Creepers film).


So without further ado, let's get into my list of most disappointing films of 2022.





1. Thor: Love and Thunder - As someone who loved Thor: Ragnarök, I was super hyped to see L&T in theaters over the summer. I even paid top dollar to see it in Screen X at the Regal in Union Square (my first time experiencing a film in Screen X, BTW). To say I was disappointed is an understatement. I was hoping we were going to get a balance of the action and comedy, but with the latest film, it seems the minute Kevin Feige took the restraints off of director Taika Waititi, the film became an unbalanced mess. None of the jokes worked for me.


The constant use of the same typical Guns N Roses tracks also felt uninspired, I didn't feel I got the closure the writers were hoping the audience would feel between Thor and Jane, and the moments when the film tackled serious topics such as cancer and loss, when he would go back to the comedy, to me it just felt ill-fitted.


Christian Bale definitely did his thing as Gorr the God Butcher, but, it felt like he was in the wrong movie. I'm sure another Thor movie is in the works but it might be time to bring in someone who can bring the balance of Ragnarök back to the forefront instead of teetering too much on the silliness.





2. Morbius - The travesty that is Morbius should be a crime within itself. I will admit, I was looking forward to Morbius when I had first heard they were making it, for the simple fact that at 50, Jared Leto is already a vampire. But when I saw the film in theaters, I was completely disappointed because the film I saw on the big screen was not the same film I saw in the countless trailers promoting the film.


Morbius underwent constant reshoots, and what we got in the final cut made no sense with some of the characters, particularly the placement of the FBI agents. And don't get me started with the ridiculous and downright laughable post credit scenes. In the end, Morbius was a bloodless mess.


P.S. Is there a way fans can sue for getting a completely different movie from the one promoted in the trailer, since fans sued for renting a film they thought Ana de Armas would be in, but turns out her scenes were cut?





3. Bros - As a openly gay man who loves cinema, I'm all for anyone making it in the mainstream, especially if you're of a marginalized community. However Bros to me just wasn't funny. Billy Eichner is great with his show Billy On The Street, but with him screaming all of his lines for two hours, and whining about being a man in his forties who can't find love in a sea of dating apps, and hookup culture, it's apparent that Billy can only be taken in small doses.


If Eichner would have given his supporting cast such as TsMadison, Guy Branum, Miss Lawrence and Dot Marie Jones more to do besides play window dressing to his self-centeredness, maybe Bros would have been a more enjoyable film for me.





4. Jurassic World: Dominion - To be honest, I don't think we've had a great Jurassic Park film since The Lost World. None of the Jurassic World films have worked for me. The storylines have never made sense, and some of the science has been downright laughable. But being that it's Chris Pratt hot off the Guardians movies, Hollywood felt his star power was enough to save these films. For a while it worked. I had slight high hopes for Dominion because it would be bringing back legacy characters such as Sam Neill and Laura Dern to fight dinosaurs alongside current Jurassic torch carriers Pratt and Bryce Dallas Howard. Unfortunately, the cast wasn't enough to save t LPS his movie from an awful script. The special dinosaur effects were the only saving grace.





5. They/Them - As someone who is a huge fan of slasher films particularly camp-based horror such as Friday The 13th, I was really looking forward to They/Them. I was sold not just on the horror aspect, but also because the film would be based around queer characters forced to attend a gay conversion camp run by Kevin Bacon (Friday The 13th).


There was so many avenues to explore, especially between the queer characters and the horrors of what queer people have to endure in everyday life. Compile that with a serial killer angle, and you have horror movie gold. Unfortunately what we got from They/Them was a horror film afraid to take any risks. The kills were dull and mostly happened offscreen, the acting was mediocre at best, the killer reveal pretty predictable, so many character arcs wasted, and don't get me started on the Glee-esque musical moment where all of a sudden all the characters break out into singing P!nk's "F*****g Perfect".


Speaking of wasted, Kevin Bacon does the best he can with what he's given, but he's not enough to save They/Them from being a social commentary horror film that's so scared to take a risk that it ends up being forgettable and soulless.





6. Halloween Ends - For the record, I loved Halloween 2018, and while there were some issues with Halloween Kills in regards to some character decisions, I enjoyed the second film. As for Halloween Ends, I just felt that while it was a great story regarding new character Corey Cunningham, and the exploration of how evil can be contagious, I just felt if you were doing a standalone Halloween anthology film this story would have worked.


Laurie and Michael in my opinion felt like mere after thoughts in their own film, and if you set your previous films up to be this epic showdown between the two (which ended up being the last 10 minutes of the film) in the final film, then that should have been the film's main focal point. Halloween Ends just felt like one, big, long, anticlimactic edge session, and I never got off.





7. Firestarter - Seeing Hollywood hunk Zac Efron as a Daddy is every gay man's dream. However a bad remake of an already bad 80s film based on a Stephen King book in my opinion doesn't help elevate the film in any way.


I will say this - I don't think the original Firestarter was that bad. In fact, I love Drew Barrymore in the original film. But the remake to me just took all the things that didn't work in the original film and heightened them, instead of taking all the things that worked in the original film and expanding on them. Such as the dynamic between a father and daughter with superpowers, and how they navigate in a world where the organization that experimented on them wants to exploit them.





8. Black Adam - Quite honestly, 2022 was a year filled with disappointing superhero films, with Dwayne Johnson's attempt at launching a potential superhero franchise landing with a thud instead of a bang. While BA is watchable, and I did enjoy Aldis Hodge as Hawkman and Pierce Brosnan as Doctor Fate, they weren't enough to save us moviegoers from a dated script, Johnson's dull, one note acting range and superhero scenarios we've seen a million times over in far better films.





9. Don't Worry Darling - Don't Worry Darling had many things going for it - beautiful cast, visually stunning set pieces and locations, and Harry Styles. However all of that couldn't save the film from a convoluted plot, a dull twist, and a film end thatnInfound quite boring.


Plus the behind-the-scenes drama where Florence Pugh refused to promote the film, and the affair between director Olivia Wilde and Styles didn't help matters either.





10. The 355 - As a fan of female-centric action films (such as La Femme Nikita, Atomic Blonde, The Professional etc.) and fans of Jessica Chastain and Lupita Nyong'o, I was looking forward to The 355. However what tanked this film straight to hell for me was having Simon Kinberg, who directed the god-awful X Men: Dark Phoenix to direct The 355.


I knew the moment Sebastian Stan's character was killed off screen that he was not only faking his death, but was the film's villain. Also, the action sequences didn't give me those goosebumps I tend to feel whenever action directors put their characters in peril. I hope if this film does get the opportunity for a sequel, please hire someone that not only knows how to direct action, but actually knows how to direct.


Dishonorable Mentions:




Blacklight - As an actor I love Liam Neeson. With Blacklight, I feel every action film he stars in he's trying to replicate the success of Taken, and continues to fail miserably.





Uncharted: For the record, I love Tom Holland. In my opinion I feel he's the only actor that has been able to embody both Peter Parker and Spider-Man on the big screen. However as Nathan Drake he is immensely miscast. Same goes for Mark Wahlberg as Sully. Not only are they miscast in their roles, but they also lack chemistry.


The Easter eggs from the game they incorporated into the film was cool, but not enough to carry the entire film or the actual plot (was there really a plot?), and don't get me started on the dull villains.


I get the studios wanted to go younger as a way to have the Uncharted series continue with the same actor for multiple films, but I can't mentally get behind an Indiana Jones-type character that still looks like he's in High School. It would have been more believable if they had someone like Jensen Ackles or Ben Barnes as Nathan, and Stephen Lang as Sully.





The Munsters - As a music fan, I am a fan of Rob Zombie. As a movie fan, I am not a fan of Rob Zombie. I will say this. He gets an A for effort in regards to trying something different outside of the trailer trash films and characters he normally creates. However, The Munsters proves that he's not a really good writer when it comes to orchestrating dislogue. I'm also baffled as to why he continues to cast his wife Sherri Moon Zombie in all of his films, when she's not that good of an actress. The Munsters plays like a bad TV pilot that probably would have worked if it were in black and white instead of the hyper colors used in the film.





Doctor Strange and the Multiverse of Madness - I loved the first Doctor Strange movie, and I am a huge Evil Dead fan. So when I heard Sam Raimi would be directing, I got super excited. However his take on the MCU multiverse just didn't work for me, and while I love Elizabeth Olsen, I didn't agree with the decision to make Wanda Maximov the film's main villain still scorned from the events of Wandavision.


If you want to see a film that explores the multiverse in a interesting, far more complex way, check out Everything Everywhere All At Once instead.





Texas Chainsaw Massacre - Besides the original film and the Jessica Biel remake, it's been a minute since we've gotten a good TCM movie on our cinematic screens. I was hoping since the film rips off Halloween 2018 by bringing Sally, the original film's sole survivor back to face Leatherface would mean we would be getting a good TCM film, but nope, it goes downhill straight out the gate.


For one, none of the characters in the film are likable, which I guess makes it easier for Leatherface to take them out. However, you need at least one character to root for, and I didn't care whether any of them lived or died. The standout sequence for me was the bus sequence where Leatherface takes out a bunch of Gen Z-ers who threaten him with...wait for it...their cell phones.



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